ADOPTION: YOU CAN DO IT! Blog post 22, Chapter 17 – Sibling Rivalry Like Never Before

Posted January 7, 2017

Welcome to this week’s blog post from my new book soon to be released, ADOPTION: YOU CAN DO IT! A Husband-Wife Guide to Successfully Raising Adopted Children in a Christian Home. This excerpt is from Chapter 22 – Sibling Rivalry Like Never Before!

Now Cain talked with Abel his brother; and it came to pass, when they were in the field,that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him. Genesis 4:8

In the Genesis account of Creation, Adam and Eve started off their marriage by having two sons, Cain and Abel. Their sibling rivalry was so intense that one killed the other. Adam and Eve had to experience the death of their beloved son Abel, and then to experience God banishing their son, Cain, into the wilderness. Their family was destroyed right before their eyes, and they only had themselves to blame. Talk about a rough parenting lesson!

There is conflict in the world, because there is sin in the world. Children are sinners who are learning boundaries, but these are hopefully boundaries that we parents already understand so we can help our kids understand them. About seven years ago, the behavior of one of my adopted children caused my older biological children to shun that younger sibling for an entire year. My husband and I decided we had to let them shun him. It was one of the most painful things we ever had to live with and witness on a daily basis: the horrible consequence of a child’s unrepentant and unrelenting actions raining down all around him, day after day for 365 days, solid. The sin of that shunned child was indeed horrible and evil. The shunners were honorable, loving kids who would not tolerate that sin. They did the only thing they felt they could do as righteous brothers and sisters.

My husband and I kept connection with the shunned child, and with the shunners. We kept working every day toward a more positive situation. The interesting thing was that the shunned child changed. That shunned child missed the relationship with his older siblings, and wanted it restored. He wanted it so much that he repented, got right with God, and righteously rejoined our family.

This was no simple “sibling rivalry” squabble for Mom and Dad’s time. This was a statement of gargantuan proportion that these older biological siblings were not going to tolerate one of their younger siblings remaining so selfishly evil that the family was being destroyed from within. My husband and I were on our knees in prayer constantly over the situation — praying for God to show us what to do, praying for the hearts of our older children to forgive, praying for a repentant change of heart in our younger child, praying that God’s mercy and grace would win out in the end. God moved, our younger child repented, our older children forgave, our family remained intact, and we all moved forward with a renewed love for one another. Whew!

sharimcminn

Shari Howard McMinn is an author, editor, farmer, writer, and most importantly Mom to 11 children. Widowed very unexpectedly on June 2, 2013, Shari continued the direction of her life built with her late husband, Cary, and launched her public speaking and writing business which he had often encouraged her to do. Drawing from her 'over the top' life, she writes non-fiction and presents PowerPoint talks on issues related to family life, including adoption, childhood nutrition, family economics, homeschooling, and proactive parenting. She is available for broadcast interviews and presentations in Colorado and surrounding states, as well as Florida and Georgia. A dynamic speaker, Shari engages the audience with her true-life storytelling and practical advice based on experience and biblical wisdom.