DWITS #19 – Chapter 15, An Important Mission for My Life as a Trauma Momma
Experiencing the death of a beloved one has profoundly changed me. Each time more so than the time before. I must find purpose and act on it if I am to keep my sanity and understand what God has for me in all of it. This chapter concludes with the following excerpt to further explain what I mean.
(Chapter begins in book.)
I am a traumatized momma and I will be the rest of my life. I pray God will grant me peace. I know He will help me find good outcomes from what I have so profoundly suffered through. Along the way if I can help just one child, or one family avoid what we have been through, my life-lessons will have not been in vain. If I could, I would certainly save others from such misery. But can I? Is it God’s intention to allow suffering so He can work it for good as people look to Him with no other option in sight?
I think the biblical story of Job is devastating to read. I have read it multiple times, about every three or four years as I read through the Bible a chapter a day. With God’s permission, the devil tested Job, betting with God that Job would lose his faith in Him. Job was the greatest man in all the East — blameless, god-fearing, shunned evil, morally upright, and wealthy from hard work and good stewardship. To test his faith in God Almighty, the devil destroyed Job’s large family, home, and livelihood. God allowed it — that is overwhelming for me to contemplate! In the end, Job did not lose his faith in God, so the devil lost the bet. God restored everything to Job including 10 more children to replace the 10 who had died. His previously immense livestock herds (including 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yokes of oxen, and 5,000 female donkeys) were replaced by God two-fold.
Still, it is very difficult to fathom that God can have our lives destroyed, then choose to bless us again with even more. Was Job’s gain worth his suffering? Could any of us endure such? Would we want to? Personally, I would rather not lose anything at all and would be happy about it, not caring I would forego a bountiful reward. I am content in my middle-class life with the family I have — it’s not worth it to me to suffer for more gain.
Yet, am I glad my suffering through three grievous deaths has brought me closer to God? Yes! He created me for a purpose and has shown me the way to that through these dreadfully painful times. Though my loss and regain pales in comparison to Job’s, my faith in God remained. It wavered a bit at the low points but rebounded as God lifted me up to the new high points.
Directing family, friends, strangers — especially children — to Jesus Christ is the best use of my time for the rest of my life. It is an important mission I gladly take on. Doing so gives me purpose beyond my profound loss and grief.