ADOPTION: YOU CAN DO IT! Blog Post #25, Chapter 20: Soul Soothing — Art, Music, and Hands-On Projects

This week’s excerpt from my soon-to-be-released book encourages families to find pleasurable hobbies they can do together, or as individuals.  Hobbycraft has been fundamental to our family success.

20. Soul Soothing—Art, Music, and Hands-On Projects

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.  Psalm 131:2

My youngest son turned 13-years-old a few months ago. With this passage came an increased level of energy, and when boredom sets in he tends to bug his sisters and me. To fill some of his down time between school and chores, I encourage him to get exercise, then go and work on his military vehicle model kits I gave him for his birthday. He has enjoyed model rocketry for several years, and so when I found some military kits on sale, I purchased several for him to work on over the winter when he can’t be doing his first choice activity—playing outside from dawn to dusk.

It is important that we encourage all of our children, especially our adopted kids, to have hobbies, which my husband always called ‘soulcraft.’ One of the underlying reasons I think there is such a lack of productivity, an inability to focus on doing a job well, and aversion to relaxing alone and away from electronics in our culture is because we parents have not done an effective job of teaching our kids to use their hands to occupy their time. Whether it is Legos or robotics, sketching or painting, playing piano or violin, crocheting or knitting, cooking or sewing, leathercraft or woodworking, our children need to learn to deplete their extra energy, focus and lengthen their attention span, and soothe their souls with creative productivity for themselves.

This doesn’t happen overnight. It also doesn’t happen without our guidance. It happens by our sharing what we enjoy, learning new skills that interest our child, and teaching her how to properly use and care for tools. It is also helpful to spend time with others who enjoy hobby craft. Parents need to budget and gather supplies with the child, allow her time to practice then master the hobby, encourage first efforts which fall short, complimenting her perseverance to the end.

Each activity creates opportunity for building relationships between parent and child. They are also times for relaxation, using other parts of her brain than for school and sports, and typically, these are some of the most edifying hours spent together as a family. She need to learn to use scissors, paste, tape, knives, string, needles, screwdrivers, and to clean up her mess when she is finished for the day or week. She also needs to learn how to break a large project down into manageable steps, how to organize her time and work space, to earn and spend money for supplies, and ask questions when she needs assistance. She also needs to learn how to accept your advice, receive compliments, and present her skills to others with humble expertise.

I homeschool my children, which allows them time to enjoy hobbycraft on a daily basis. Whether it involves each of the kids helping me at different times with meal preparation, practicing music in between English and Math, or working on a variety of 4-H fair projects in the spring and summer, this is a productive and typically pleasant time each day. Just 20-30 minutes practicing their craft of choice leads to mastery over the span of a few years.

In the ‘old days’ before the existence of modern conveniences, families spent extensive time learning and perfecting skills for their needs in everyday life. All of the skills we think of as hobbies these days, including animal care, art, cooking, gardening, home repair, music, sewing, and shooting sports, were essential life skills when our grandparents were growing up. If you didn’t know auto mechanics, you didn’t drive. If you didn’t know leatherworking, your boots fell apart. If you didn’t know how to knit, you didn’t wear socks. If you didn’t garden or raise livestock, you didn’t eat. If you didn’t paint, you didn’t have art in your home. If you didn’t write letters, you didn’t communicate. If you didn’t play an instrument or sing, your home was deafeningly quiet.

Life wasn’t perfect back then, but people seemed to have been more content and fulfilled. Our adopted children have huge holes in their souls that need filling. If we don’t fill them with positive, productive time spent with us or on their own, they will probably turn to inappropriate fulfillment (such as video game obsession, self-mutilation, befriending internet strangers, and things we can’t even imagine that they are automatically drawn to when they are restless and searching).

When my kids are stressed, they need something positive to do. They don’t always go to their hobbies, but I attempt to steer them to being productive with their hands and mind. My daughter with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) seems to be most soothed by playing the piano like a virtuoso, moving about wildly as she plays so that her swift hands and swaying head seem to become one with the instrument. Another daughter, introverted to the point of being shut off from reality, paints endless pictures. My son who has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) likes to draw intricate monsters and amazing graphic designs.